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Mush things: Magic And Miracles

its 2am and the city is asleep.
and like they say, the only ones awake are those in love or those looking for it or those healing from it.
but theres a last kind too, those talking to You.

Dear God,
send me your miracle because you know better than anyone else i need it.
send me your miracle because i believe you can change hearts and open doors.
send me your miracle because i know youve been watching my tears and listening to my prayers, every single one of them. the ones in quiet solitude, the ones in busy crowds, the ones in joy, the ones in gratitude, the ones in longing, the ones in sadness and the ones in desire.
send me your miracle because all the ones i see remind me that you must have one for me too.
send me your miracle because my biggest dreams can be your smallest commands.
send me your miracle because in this vast universe filled with burning stars, you still kindle my spark.
send me your miracle because the path to unraveling my destiny is only in your hands.
send me your miracle because you can make happen what we can never imagine.
send me your miracle because i believe in your magic.and i believe in You.
and magic and miracles only come to those who believe in them.
With endless faith in my heart,
Falak

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Mush Things: Naked Souls

The greatest level of emotional intimacy has got to be vulnerability. If sex is the highest level of physical intimacy, then vulnerability is the equivalent emotional nakedness.
Our generation prides itself on its ability to not dive deep into relationships, to keep things simple, to stay detached and unemotional, because thats the new cool.
Thats exactly where i would like to move away from the crowd, because when it comes to this, i’d rather be old school. I cant do detached and flings and cold emotions and half assed relationships. I wear my heart on my sleeve and cant lie about who i am. I’d rather cut off than pretend to be someone im not.but that also means i cant hide parts of myself away.

Vulnerabilities are so extremely personal. I think thats the last part of yourself that you open up to someone. When they’ve proven themself worthy of your trust, when you’ve found a certain comfort level with them and after a significant amount of time has been invested into your relationship, do people usually think about delving into their vulnerabilities. And that probably is the smart thing to do. Because opening up your vulnerabilities, is basically baring your soul. Opening up about your insecurities, mistakes, anxieties, fears. In a world thats so quick to judge things and people, these kind of things are a big risk to take. Once you tell them, about what scares you, what your deepest fear is, what you still cant forgive and forget, what truly does make you insecure, what your biggest regrets are, the moments that follow are the ones that can really intimidate you because they will determine that persons place in your life and where your relationship will go now.

They can mock you, they can be horrified, then can belittle you, they can judge you, they can get scared and back off, they can throw it in your face later, they can use it against you.
OR they can embrace you, accept you, understand you, comfort you and take your trust in them to a place of security and loyalty.
Noone really ever knows how anyone will react. This could go both ways. And it is for this reason that opening up this part of oneself is what people reserve for a selected few, if any at all. Why would you hand your weakness to someone else ? Why would you give someone the power to break you? Why would you let them hurt you where it hurts the most?

But why is it that vulnerability is synonymous with weakness? Why is it the last step of opening up to someone?

Sharing your vulnerability shouldnt be weakness. Im not sure if it can be strength, but i dont want to think of it as weakness. It requires great courage to bare your soul. Especially when the whole world is trying to tell you things about being self sufficient and to not worry too much about the emotional spectrum. In handing someone your weakness, you become stronger knowing where the next blow could come from. In giving them the power to break you, you prepare yourself to be shattered. In letting them possibly hurt you where it hurts most, you actually build an immunity for the pain.

It shouldnt be the last step in opening up to someone. It should be the first. Afterall, if this determines whether or not they are capable of sharing a relationship with you, then why wait till you’ve grown attached to them and have started to trust them and see them as an integral part of your life? If this is the litmus test, lets get it done with right in the beginning. So we know who to hold onto and who to let go. Why waste all that time building up a relationship and investing time into it, only to find out they never deserved it in the first place?

This time, i’ll start from the end. This time, i’ll bare my soul to you before i let you in my heart. This time, will you be good enough to last?

Love,
Falak

6

Mush things: Of belonging and being

Nobody ever is yours and truly yours alone. Unfortunately, contrary to what they may want to promise you, its just not possible.

Our lives are an intangible mess of intricately entwined relationships. You can never isolate yourself from all of them for any single one. Nobody can belong to one person alone.

They belong to their God and then themself. They are their parents’, their siblings’, their friends’, their spouse’s, their children’s, their boss’s. They belong to their past; their mistakes and lessons, their todays; their struggles and efforts, and their tomorrows; their hopes and dreams.

Unless you both are living in an extraordinarily unreal setting, or some kind of warped existence where only you both exist, such as your own little independent island thats disconnected from the rest of the world, its not happening.

But even then, how long would that last? How long can you both live till a third being takes claim? How long till the very company that you so craved starts suffocating you and you realise that you do need someone or something else to belong to?

Consider this utopian setting: just you both on an island, and somehow self sufficient. You would live together and then maybe eventually get married, if you believe in that kinda stuff. If you do, then that means you acknowledge God and religion, and somewhere there is a part of you that in its devotion to God, belongs to God.

Or maybe you would eventually have children. And then things really change. People react to parenthood with a kind of unexpected love that supersedes all. The ones that have never really felt emotions evolve into selfless beings with a profound newly discovered love, and the ones that have always understood the emotional spectrum, love deeper and harder. And you belong to your children now.

Either way, your solitary claim on them and their solitary commitment to you, doesnt apply anymore. It could, but you’d have to take out the “solitary” clause from it.

Or even worse, you’d get tired of having each other and noone else. You need more than one person in your life to maintain a healthy state of mind. I dont think i need to explain this, theres countless articles and pieces written out there, that tell people in relationships and marriages to not make ‘your significant other’ the center of your world. That can work only so long before your universe crashes. They can be the moon that comes, shines and goes. They cant be the sun to light everything up, day and night.

When its not possible even in an ideal imaginary world, then in this flawed and twisted world, its just a sweet nothing. And all i can say is that, if somebody, in all their honest innocent love, vows to you that they are ‘only yours’, then consider them as someone who could give you the world IF they could. But they CANT.  And for the sake of your emotional sanity, dont believe it when they say they are ‘only yours’, because they ARENT. Just because they could, doesnt mean they can. In the wise words of Miss Maqsood, ‘Such is life’ 😦

And maybe that is why we say, “Indeed we belong to Allah , and indeed to Him we will return.” in the most upsetting and heartbreaking of life’s incidences such as death.  To remind ourselves, ke jab hum khud ke nahi ho sakte hain, toh koi aur hamara kaise ho sakta hai? Jo khaliq ka hai, woh makhlooq ka kaise ho sakta hai? Shayad mohobbat ki yahi kashish hai, ke jo hum khud ke liye nahi kar paatey hum woh doosrey ke liye karna chahte hain.

On these little poetic urdu lines, that are making me feel like a proud  Ghaliba right now, i will sign off.
Love, Falak

4

Two things every girl MUST do before shaadi!

The blog has been left abandoned for long now, and way too long by me.

Miss Maqsood has one of the most amazing patience levels in the world to chase after me for writing a post, and especially this long. That’s why shes my BFF ❤

Okay, so today, im talking from personal experience. This is mostly applicable to girls from the Indian subcontinent, those who grow up with a life plan that more or less looks like:

School- (college/ high school) – (degree/uni) – (masters/taking a break) – shaadi.

Everybody is entitled to decide how they want to spend the rest of their life, and if this is what you want to do, then its YOUR choice, and you’re no lesser than anyone going on a different road. That should go without saying, but it doesnt (unfortunately).

For us girls, somewhere between shaadi and padhai, I highly recommend sneaking in 2 more things: work and living alone.

1-Work: I think every girl should work at least once in her lifetime. A proper professional job. Or if that’s too much, then a part time job. Even its for a few months. Even if its not your field of study. Even if you’re not a career oriented woman. Even if you don’t plan to ever do it again. But at least, ONCE.

This is for a variety of reasons. It emboldens you. Opens a door for you into the big bad real world. Gives you exposure to different kinds of people and teaches you how to deal with them. Introduces the world of politics, powerplay and office politics to you. Makes you realize the kind of commitment that a job needs. Helps you learn to value and respect the people that earn for you*, and go to a job for their ENTIRE LIVES, every single day, with no end in near sight. Encourages you to discover yourself when you draw the line between what is acceptable and what is not. Pushes you to keep going and work under pressure to meet deadlines.

Teaches you the value of time and punctuality (Because if you’re not on time, you lose money). Teaches you dedication and responsibility, to wake up and go, regardless of what fight you had with your significant other, regardless of who died, regardless of when you slept, regardless of how sick you feel ( Cuz if you don’t show up, you lose money ). Teaches you the value of hard earned money. So the next time you spend on a fancy lunch or splurge on a branded perfume, you remember how many hours of work it would actually cost you.

For many more reasons like this, I suggest every girl works. After a few months at work, something that you had no idea about, will become heartfelt appreciation you will have for the person who earns for you*. It also gives you a deeper understanding when you deal with the relationships involving these people, which usually is the father or husband. We hold a lot of expectations from these men that play central roles in our lives. To be there for the small and big occasions, to take an off when we need them to, to give us time, to remember and honor the little joys of our lives. These things often turn into the causes for fights or us being naraaz with him. But once you’ve worked, you realize that to get a leave isn’t as easy saying “Here. This is my letter. Im going on holiday”. You realize that to get time off isn’t as easy as walking out of the office as soon as its 5pm. You realize that work can be very demanding and stressful, and in the midst of all this sometimes, birthdays and graduations take a back seat. You realize that although IDEALLY, work shud stay in the office, it cant always. Sometimes it comes home, or sometimes the husband/ father cant come home. You will UNDERSTAND now. Because you’ve been through it. And that understanding makes your lives so much easier and your relationships so much stronger.

*(since you wont be working yourself, I think its safe to assume you will be dependent on SOMEONE)

 

2- Live alone

Whether this is in a hostel, or a few months away from home for your education, or just managing the place while your parents are away, every girl must give it a shot before she gets married and moves in with a guy.

You would say “why bother, when its gonna be the same thing all over again?” Well, it teaches you so much and prepares you for the responsibility and the hard work that goes into managing a home. It helps you appreciate your family while you live with them. And if you do get married, then you wont get overwhelmed; mentally, physically and emotionally.

Family is a blessing. You can walk in from a long day, theres always delicious hot food to eat. The room will always be tidied. Your bedsheets will always be clean. Nothing is ever lost because mom always knows where it is. The kitchen is always stocked up on the food you like. Theres always money to borrow from dad. Everything is always in working order. Theres always a familiar face around which gives a deep sense of comfort, whether you share everything with them or not. Theres always someone to blame if something goes wrong.

When you live on your own, you are the only person responsible for what happens and what doesnt. You learn that if you want something, then you have to get up and do it. If theres no food, then its your fault that you didnt buy it or cook it. If theres food rotting away, then you didnt throw it out. If the internet is cut, then you didnt pay the bill. If the ac isnt working, then you didnt get it fixed. If the house is dirty, you didnt clean it. If theres noone around when you are breaking down, then its cuz YOU decided you were brave and strong enuf to be on your own. You realise that running a home isnt easy. It takes a lot of thought and effort, and to have your head in your place. The only person who will be accountable for anything that happens in that house will be YOU. Paying bills and controlling finances isnt easy. It teaches you to prioritize your spending and manage it. And if you end up being stupid, then you end up without money. You learn to manage your time, between your studies/ work, taking care of the house and doing the things you want to.

You realise what it must have been like for your mother, efficiently managing every bit of your family, from fixing your dress to finding dad’s wallet to cooking for family dinners to making sure the house always looks like happiness. You realise what it must have been like for your dad, from paying the bills, to buying what each family member wants to making sure the house has what it needs.

Even if you’re not going to get married, and plan to live with your family for the rest of your life, then some time away can definitely help put things in perspective. If you plan to live alone, then you know now, how truly well your parents always managed it. More power to you for being so independent ❤

And if you are going to get married, then this is just half of what you will be doing in the near future with your significant other. And it does get easier then, yet at the same time a little more complicated. Because when you add another person, brought up in a house different from yours, to the equation of managing a home, things tend to get, a little, messier. No matter how similar you both may be, everyone has different preferences, spending habits, eating habits and and so many other habits in the way they do things or like them done. So now, not only will you be managing your money and your home, you will be taking care of his money and his home. Over time, while rubbing off each others edges, and molding your own ways, that place will become ‘our home’.And I hope and pray, its only half as daunting as I made it sound.

May you all always find love and contentment in your homes and lives ❤

Disclaimer: In no way am I a supporter of gender roles, but lets face it, life looks like this for most girls in 21st century India, by their choice or by default. And in the very first part of the post, i have clearly mentioned this post is applicable to girls whose life plan looks a certain way. So even if you want your life to look like “Ki and Ka”, Im sure Ka would love it if Ki appreciated and realized how much work he has to put in to run the household 😀

13

Nu yeer, nu post, hu dis?

Well well hello {from the other side (it’s okay  there’s no need to roll your eyes..joke hai relax!)} everyone! If you were thinking we forgot you and our blog, then we didn’t. We didn’t. I promise you WE DIDN’T!
I know we keep getting MIA but that’s just our life. We don’t do it intentionally. I don’t even have an excuse this time, because I know and realize I (we) should  be blogging  more often but that just doesn’t happen. I try hard. I keep racking my head for ideas and keep mentally writing posts but when the time comes to execute those ideas, type them out on lappy, my brain tells me ” Nu brain, who dis?” Ab aap hi bataein karein toh kya karein?

So much has happened since the last post, so be prepared for a long long long post.

*offers you a virtual cup of coffee*

First things first, got done with the worst semester of my life. I don’t even know how I appeared for those exams, it took some supernatural force to write them. Blegh. But Alhamdulilah it’s done and now it’s been 17 days that I’m back in my Haven, Riyadh, enjoying the bone rattling winters.
My past few winters were in Hyderabad, where the last temperature drop is usually about 15 degrees celsius, so I was really looking forward to this trip of mine and mahn was my dua to experience winter was fulfilled. Alhamdulilah. It’s comparatively warm this weekend at 13-15 degrees. Okay I need to stop before I sound like “Namaskaar mausam ka tazaa haal lekar main hoon aapke saath Miss Maqsood….”

During my flight to Riyadh, I realized why I don’t like traveling alone because I don’t have my HUMAN PILLOW(s) with me then. No I don’t sleep most of the time on flight but to be comfortable I need one. Also when you travel alone you are obviously seated next to strangers, hello anxiety! It sure does make you feel like a strong independent lady but I’d prefer not to be next to strangers. Nope. Sorry. *shakes head*  *gloriously crawls back into her cocoon*
So I’m in Riyadh, enjoying winters, loving being the centre of attention of my parents (huaha!) and hanging out with my crazies (kinda reliving my school days). Alhamdulilah.

This made me realize two things. Firstly, this is the first time I’m alone with my parents, none of my brothers are here. So I  am getting their undivided attention and whenever they want anything, I’m expected to do it and I cannot be lazy and pass it on to my younger brother like I always do. (There’s one Hyderabadi saying for this situation that is something like ” Kuttey ku boley toh kutta uski dumm ku bola”. Self explanatory. )
And whenever I do something without being asked to, it fills them with joy and the Dua’s that follow are priceless. It’s not that they are incapable of doing stuff by themselves but they have reached that age, when they are supposed to be looked and cared after. They have done enough. And we have grown old enough to do our chores and house chores, so let’s not be lazy pseudo-teens.
Khair, let’s not get into sentimental stuff. Second thing I realized in the past few days is no matter where you go, what you do, there will always be that close knit of people who will have your back, your family and friends. Kuch bhi hojao they will be there. Through the ups and the downs, highs and lows. And if you have those people around you be thankful to the Lord coz it is a Niyamah (blessing), believe me it is. I cannot emphasize enough on how their presence can make your life easy and smooth. Even if they cannot help you out, they will stick by you. They will listen to you, they will let you cry. But they will be there. Beside you. Behind you. Also please be careful before including someone in that circle. Coz not everyone you meet are going to stay.
Kuch heavy hogaya nahi? Moving on.

December 27th was Mirza Asadullah Khan Ghalib’s birth anniversary. That day, my parents and I started watching Mirza Ghalib the serial (was aired on DD national in 1988), starring Naseeruddin Shah as Ghalib. We watched first five episodes in a go before we realized it was 12 am. Then we decided to resume on weekend. But that weekend never came.
So I decided to take matters in my hand  and watch it all alone by myself coz my parents were busy adulting. I have finished 11 of 16 episodes. And boy am I loving it! I was always fascinated by Ghalib because of his wit, he made me laugh in awe.
This serial cleared some serious misconceptions that I had regarding him. Anyone who’s interested to know more about him, should really watch it, it’s on Youtube. I’m not sure if everything that’s portrayed in that drama is to the T but most of it is from his letters, Khutoot-e-Ghalib. 🙂

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Now that we are talking about Ghalib, there’s this post by Sulphurman that you should really reallly read if you are Ghalib-crazy.

*Are you still there? If yes, Thank you. Offers you another cup of coffee*

Guys! 2015 is over! Last year went in a jiffy, I was telling one of my friends it went by like how our 11th grade did, our life was in induced semi comatose phase. Stagnant yet moving at light’s speed. Only the year end result shook us up. And in the same way, as smooth n bland the starting three quarters of 2015 were the last quarter was quite turbulent. Nothing serious Alhamdulilah but you understand right? 🙂
Life had it’s fair share of everything but 2015 didn’t really  have anything in particular that I would love to look back at.
Tread on some paths I thought I would never walk on. Missed some opportunities coz I was being lazy. Bairhaal!

Let’s hope and pray (ijtemai duaa anyone?) this year, we grow to be someone we’d like to be.
Let’s give and not hold back but please hold back your over, microscopic criticism to yourselves. If you disapprove of something, or disagree over something, state your point and back off. Do NOT force your opinions.
**Also don’t be a cynic please. I can handle your over the rainbow optimism, your deep dark pessimism also I accept you with your lens of realism, but cynicism, no chance. I don’t really have a place for them n their sh*t in my life. No thank you! If you cannot say anything good, kindly shut up, Yes disagree but don’t be a cynic.Please. **
Sorry was carried away, back to the ijtemai duaa.
Let’s chase our dreams. 
Let’s rekindle our faith in ourselves and our capabilities.
Let’s read read and read more, and write write and write some more.
Let’s fill our hearts with love till it’s filled to the brim.
Let’s laugh till our stomachs ache and cry till our hearts heal.
Let’s live each day, make the day count and not forget to be thankful for every new day. Insha’Allah!
I’d like to end the post, like my friend would have,
“Aaj ,aaj ek hasi aur baant lo, aaj ek dua aur maang lo, aaj ek ansoon aur pee lo, aaj ek zindagi aur jee lo, aaj ek sapna aur dekh lo, aaj … kya pata, kal ho naa ho”
*Srk’s signature pose* 😛
Hope you liked my randomness and coffee. 🙂

P.S : I know two of you had tagged me in posts and I’d kinda promised you guys I would do it but I didn’t. I apologize 😦