They say its not about the destination, its about the journey. It’s the journey- the experiences, the memories, the struggle, that we look back at. But lets be honest, if we didn’t want to get somewhere, we wouldn’t be on that road in the first place.
Sometimes, the road to a place is so long, so winding and so exhausting that it takes away the joy of having reached. So long that you sometimes lose sight of where you’re heading. So winding that you sometimes doubt yourself. So exhausting that when you reach you have no spirit left to feel the happiness, the exhilaration, the success. Instead, the only thing you feel is relief. Not for having reached, but because its over. Wherever it may have brought you, the fact that you are now done walking is the biggest comfort. There are no more miles to go.
Some people would say those journeys aren’t worth it. But its not about being worth the struggle. Its about your dreams , your plans, your expectations of the end not weighing over the sweat and tears of the struggle. When it takes too long, and it becomes too hard, it seems like nothing can be worth the wait. Because you’ve lost more than you can ever get back. You’ve sacrificed more than you can ever be appreciated. You’ve been broken more than you can build yourself. you’ve hurt more than you can be healed.
Does that mean we stop walking? Or does that mean that we change our destination? It means neither. It means that even though the end may never be beautiful enough to wipe away the scars of the road or that even though the comfort of a waking dream may never be warm enough to wipe away the cold of the nightmares you fought, you walk on. It means that even if your eyes may be too dry to shed tears of happiness as they’ve cried too many tears of pain, you walk on.
Is it always worth it? Who is to say if it is. Maybe, i will tell you once im there.
From the archives – 17 April 2016
Aapke baad Ab humein koi khat nahi likhta, Ghalib… Garma ka mausam aata hai aur chilchilati dopharein bina koi aam ki farmaish laaye guzar jaati hain. Ab aam bhi us tarah ke kahan, waqt ke saath har cheez badalti gayi aur har cheez mein aam bhi shumar hogaya. Is saal toh, february ke mahine mein hi nazar aaney lagay the loug sadakoun par aam liye, lekin kya faida? Woh aam toh carbide se pakaye gaye the aur unmein toh woh meetha zaiqa hi nahi, aap khaatey toh bahot udaas hotey, main bhi hui thi. Bahot rona aur ghussa aaya insaan ki jaldbaazi par,yeh haal hai ab yahan ke ache aam mayasar hona bahot mushkil hai. Insaan ki jaldbaazi aur scientific advancements ne toh zindagi se lutf cheenliya hai, choti choti cheezein ab kisi ko khush nahi karti. Khair, insaan ki is fitrat par tafseeli tabserah aapse agle khat mein karoungi.
Sochiye, aap bazaar se meethi meethi khusboo walay aam ghar lekar aaye aur jab kaatkar khaanay lagey toh woh safaid aur pheekey se nikley? Aapko ghussa nahi aayega? Mujhe bhi aaya, shadeed ghussa aaya.
Aapki tarah, mujhe bhi aam bahot pasand hain, aur kaash mere bhi aise dost o ahbaab hotey jo meri farmaishein poori kartey. Ab toh farmaishein bhi mehengi lagti hain. Zaiqedaar Baganpalli ya Baadami aam ab kam az kam dedh sau rupaye kilo se miltey hain.
Garmi toh hadd se zyada badhgayi hai, aur aise mausam mein bus aam ki deed hi kaafi hai dil (aur dimagh) ko thanda karne ke liye.
Ab toh, aam se kayi meethey aur mithaiyaan banai jaati hain, par jab main aam ko kisi aur cheez mein milaya dekhti hoon bahot takleef hoti, jab triffle,pudding ya cakes mein log aam ka istemal kartey hain toh uska zaiqa bahot minimal hota hai. Mujhe aisa mehsoos hota hai jaise main aam se bewafai karrahi hoon, isiliye main ghar pe aisa kuch banane hi nahi deti. Aam ko toh bus aam ki tarah hi khaana chahiye. Kuch log toh aise bhi hotey hain, jo aamras mein doodh milatey hain, bhala iski kya zaroorat hai. Kesari, sanderi jaise raseeley aam ka sirf ras hi kaafi hai, ismein doodh milaney ki kya tukk banti hai! Samjh nahi aati inlogou ki mantakh.
Mantakh se yaad aaya un makhlooq ka jo aam khaatey hi nahi, aur aam ke naam par hi ajeeeb si shakal banaletey hain. Aise logoun ke liye main aksar aapka, “Gadhey hi aam nahi khaatey” wala khissa dhorati hoon.
Once, I found a pretty piece of glass, and to say that I was fond of it will be quite an understatement. It had smooth edges, so smooth that I wouldn’t tire running my hands along them. It was always tucked carefully in my bag, but one day it fell and shattered to pieces.
Pieces, like those of a jigsaw puzzle; I glued them together. But the edges weren’t familiar, they weren’t soft and smooth like I loved them. I tested them against my palm, that didn’t help but it surely left cuts on my right palm. They were ragged. I tried rubbing them against the wall, it chipped the paint off. Then, I wondered if my table could ease them out, but it left numerous nicks on the polished surface of the tabletop.
Then, I realized, with our little minds and big hearts, we try hard to mend things and we go out of our way to cushion the broken pieces, to rectify our and their mistakes, to restore and undo the damage, but what we don’t see is; in the process of amendment, we hurt ourselves again and again. We bruise our hearts, some things are better left un-mended and broken. If we didn’t have broken pieces, we wouldn’t learn; sometimes, it is better to leave the shards of a glass to be just that. Tuck them away in a safe corner. And just let everything be. Let go and let be.
*I know this has nothing to do with Nissim Ezekiel poem, I used the title coz I wanted to name this Night of Realization but Night Of the Scorpion was all I could hear in my head. Realization bit me like Scorpion bit Nissim’s mother.
This year, I’d like to remind myself to Just Be,
No matter the situation I am in,
Or the people I am with,
When the time needs, I shall Just Be
Unabashedly myself, Just Be.
When the times get tough,
And the circumstances tougher,
I won’t put a mask of the toughest
But let the tides take me down for a while,
Rest there, take my time and Just Be.
When the whirlwind of emotions takes over me
I shall embrace them all, befriend them
accept them as a part of me and Just Be.
This year, I will fight one breath at a time,
I will grow, one step at a time,
and live life, one day at a time.
And I will remind myself each moment
Not to lose but hold and help myself
and Just Be, as raw as I can be, I shall Just Be.
This is too late for “New Year Resolutions” and I am not really a resolution kind of person but this time I have few small milestones to cross, I shall try my best to hop over them gracefully, God willingly. 🙂
P.S: I know this is too raw but hey I just told myself I will be raw 😉