“And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], “uff,” and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word. And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say, ‘My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small.’
For the past two months, we’ve been hearing heartbreaking news regarding Dads of our friends and school mates.
This made us realize that our parents ARE growing old.
In our pursuit of life,career, love we never realized that, coz they have always given us that rock hard support. We never stopped to look at their faces, from wrinkle free handsome faces, we never knew when they started developing those lines.
From “My Daddy strongest” we never realized slowly by slowly they were losing that “strong streak” because no matter what they have always been “THE STRONGEST” even if they weren’t, they really knew how to fool us.
We never saw or gave importance to the greying coz that made them more graceful and beautiful.
As we turned from Preteens to teenagers to adults, we were so immersed and involved in our own problems (Sadly, we considered them as one at some point or the other, may God forgive us for that) that We never considered to think or question“Why do their legs/feet ache so frequently?” or “Why cant my mum fall asleep without getting her feet massaged?”
We never made a big deal when they fell ill coz c’mon they are the strongest, they will get well soon.
Whenever they got easily agitated we never considered thinking beyond “oh my God they always have a problem with whatever I do”.
And now all I can think is THEY ARE GETTING OLDER DAY BY DAY! They are not super strong as they have always been, they need us more than before.
Now I somewhat understand what Allah’s saying in the above mentioned verse. We need to be more caring and loving towards them as they have become weak. They have seen more than enough of the lights and the darks. The ups and the downs. The whites and the blacks, they have witnessed all. The smiles and the tears. Even if they don’t show their weakness, they are getting weaker with each passing day, mentally and physically. They have reached the vulnerable phase. Don’t let them fool you that they’re strong coz they are NOT, mahn they are not. They NEED US to be strong for them, to give them support and strength. It’s our God given duty.
They have rights over us more than anyone else, not your friends,not your work, not your society but THEM. Take care of them first. Fulfill their rights first.
Sadly we are the ‘ tit for tat’ generation, we hold onto it tightly even with our parents, even if we don’t necessarily act upon it, at one point or the other we have had this complain with them ‘You didn’t do this and that for me’, sadly we do. So naturally we fall short in being dutiful to them we may try but we don’t give our 100 % but what Allah is asking is to be dutiful to them, no matter how many rough patches you have had with them, when Allah orders, that’s it. No matter what equation you have with them, they DESERVE your care and love, because when you couldn’t walk they held you.
While growing up we might have had arguments and differences but when we skipped our dinner, their plates were left untouched too. When we were hurt they cried as well. They nurtured us from tiny little helpless dependent beings to independent strong adults. They nurtured us. We don’t remember any of these because “mahn one time I asked for blah blah and they refused” what we forget here is whatever we got from them was always the BEST that they had. THE BEST.
My father always tells me “No matter what you do, you can never ever compensate for the pain that your mother had undergone to bring you in this world, and she forgot everything when she saw you but when you answer her back, always remember, the pain that you cause is much more greater than that pain”.
Speak to them in softest tone possible, no matter what they say.
Quoting Nouman Ali Khan “We can’t even show our parents that we are frustrated, whether they are yelling at us, whether they are saying things that are fair or not fair, whether they are insulting you, it doesn’t matter what they are doing, that’s not the point. 1) You’re not showing them respect because of them; you are showing them respect because it’s a command of Allah. 2) You are showing them respect because no matter how much harm they do to you psychologically or physically even, no matter how much harm they do to you, they can never outdo the good they did for you. The good your mother did for you can never be outweighed by anything she says to you or does to you.”
May Allah makes us of those daughters and sons. May Allah forgive us for every time we answered them back and hurt them. May Allah forgive us for everything.
May Allah bless our Parents with the best of both the worlds, with long life filled with imaan, happiness and health. May Allah bless the parents who are no longer in this world with the Highest and luxurious abodes of Jannat ul Firdous. May Allah heal the sick Parents, grant them shifa, and to their families immense sabr and comfort. And ‘My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small.’
At last please please please make Dua for two dear friends’ dads, they passed away last month. No matter where you are, no matter who you are, you know us or not, if you are reading this we urge to pray for them.
Take care of yourself and your parents.
P.S: You might find few snippets of Ustad Nouman Ali Khan’s lecture(Being best to your parents) in this post, thats coz while writing this that lecture was playing in my head as I have almost rattafied it. Khair, just wanted to clear that.