This was actually written back in June, but for some reason i thought it was too intense too post back then. Since i’ve decided to do a series called mush things, Miss Maqsood kindly reminded me to put this up, cuz she thought its pretty good.
Warning: Lot of sappy references ahead :$, this is me in full mush mode. and im sure, there are exceptions, im speaking for the majority here.
The other day, my friend msged me, super frustrated and upset, and she said “whats wrong with people?” And I said , “well whts wrong?”
Theres quite a lot of things wrong with people these days, so I should have said, which one of them would u want to talk about this beautiful day, but thankfully I wasn’t in my realist-pessimist mode, so I let her talk. “how can people be so selfish and have such horrible double standards?”
After calming her down, she told me that it came down to the fact that people expect differently from others than do they for them. So basically, a case of you-should-do-this-for-me-but-don’t-expect-me-to. And guess who it was from? One of the men, in her life.
Now, its not like im such a hardcore feminist that I would say something outrageously crazy like throw out all the men in your life, and there go the worries. Not to her, but in general also. I AM a feminist, but not to an unreasonable level as to demand the same rights, but more to demand equal rights. And I think its okay, having been born and brought up in an Indian family, living in Saudi Arabia, where people are supposed to be progressively moving on, yet somehow the stereotypical mindset creeps into your life and society, in the name of, culture, family, religion or whatever is most convenient. So yes, I feel it is necessary to watch out and stand for yourself.
Anyway back to the subject of women, our expectations and men. What can I say that hasn’t been said before? In the end, it comes down to this, men are logical,(and physical) and women, sadly, emotional and hopefully, somewhat logical too.
This is the root cause of all problems, and ironically, the solution to all problems.
Women are so complex, sometimes, and as I say this, I think to myself, am I being unfair as I say this? I hope not. Little things make us happy. Seriously, no clichés. Even clichéd little things make us happy. But sadly, the little things make us upset too. That’s not to say that if you arranged a big fat surprise party and got us diamonds, we wouldn’t be happy. Of course we would. But we would also be happy if you came home with a bar of chocolate and a rose. (just the easiest example that came to mind, also the cheapest?). Wishful thinking. And the effect of watching too many love stories, soaps and books. Have I mentioned how im a typical hardcore romantic? And a sucker for the slightest bit of mush?
And yeah, that combination differs from girl to girls, so figure out your own, and occasionally, publicise it a bit, to make life easier for everyone 😉
( While on this subject, let me make a shout out to, this amazing, as-real-to-life-as-it-gets, Pakistani serial I recently finished watching in 2 days, Zindagi gulzar hai. Unbearably miserable at first, but just the thought of romance pulled me till the end, and boy, did I love it. The romance was so simple and cute and fresh, and the characters were intense in their own ways. But most of all, I loved the love story. Cant say it was super new, but there was definitely something . Yeah I will proly do a semi drooling review on it later.)
Eh sidetracked again. Back to expectations. So yes, women are complex. little things will make them happy, and upset. Big things make them happy and upset. So whats left, you ask? I don’t know. But now that I think about it, ironically it’s the little things that make more difference. Why? Because they happen on a daily basis, theres more of them around and because its these things that are spontaneous. They’re not the ones u pull off the internet, (well, u cant pull them ALL off the net), theyre not the ones people teach you and they’re not the ones u spend days planning. They come from the heart.
Maybe then, if you keep doing all these little things and screw up on one of the big, she’ll love you enough to actually let it go, without shooting snarky comments and dirty looks ur way, every time something reminds her. Think of it, as your investment policy. Its a small price to pay for the awesomeness she brings to your life 🙂
And they expect these things. I do. And I know 90% of the other women proly do, regardless of what they say. Thank you, childhood fairytales, Yash Raj movies and SRK for filling our heads with ideas of men that are nowhere close to reality.
But its too late. We’ve grown up with this mush in our heads. Theres a good amount left, as much as we’ve tried to de-junk our heads. So please deal with it, and live upto our expectations. Because, sometimes, its not just that we want it, we need it.
Which brings me to the other fact that Women are insecure. Again, this is not a generalization. But deep down, almost every woman has some or the other kind of deep rooted insecurity, that nothing can take away for good. (i dont mean freaking insecure about any and every little thing, that kind of neurotic insecurity behavior isnt healthy and should be sorted out.i mean one or a couple insecurities that are part of her emotional baggage) And this insecurity will take one or another ugly face and keep recurring. She might not know herself. She might not be able to explain it. But its there and u gotta take care of it. She EXPECTS you to understand, and to be there for her, each and every time it comes back, to comfort her, like its her first time.
I often remember, that dialog, at the end of titanic (yes, I live by romantic movie references ), where she says ‘A woman’s heart is a deep ocean of secrets’ and we were all like yeeeeeeeeah, what a metaphor. But, look closely at a woman’s life, not with your eyes, but with your heart, (YES I ACTUALLY SAID THAT), you’ll see at some stage of her life, this big fat part of her pain, or sacrifices or insecurities or whatever, that she manages to keep hidden. And its hidden so deep down, that barely anyone would even notice. Ive seen it. In women that are close to my heart, and rarely, in myself, that one moment, where you remember the whole big deal, and in the very next moment, u shut down that memory and ruefully smile. Its true. As dramatic as it sounds, its still true.
So because they have these insecurities, they expect more.
And lastly and most importantly, it is because they do that much, that they expect that much in return. Its not selfish to do that, its just natural. if she can do that, why cant you? And if you did it before, why not now? I fully agree, that women are capable of greater love, than men. Yeah there was Romeo and Juliet, and Heer and Ranjha. And if he died, she died too. But, in our daily lives, it is because they are stronger, emotionally, that they can love more. And they can love more, because they can hurt more, which is what makes them stronger. So it’s a full circle.
One stupid and very tempting mistake people make is comparing their relationship to others. Every parent-child equation is different, every husband-wife equation is different. Every relationship is unique. Because the people in each relationship are unique. No two people are the same. Then how could two relationships be the same? true, they may do the same things, and say the same things, but how they react and feel can never, ever be compared, and for your own sanity and safety, should NOT be compared.
I don’t know how wrong it is to compare your relationship in its present to its past though. If you set the standard for it, don’t blame her if you cant live upto it. And ladies, do not let go of your standards, unless you realize you want Raj from DDLJ, Prem from MPK, or Stefan from the Vampire Diaries. Zaaroon, however seems like a closer to reality feat, so go for it, at your own risk 😉