After such a long time (yet again), im back and my apologies. Hopefully, i’ll be posting more regularly now that im done with design school (just finished my bachelors in interior design, Alhumdulillah! anybody needs a home done up, you know where to go: i’ll give you a loyalty discount too ) and now am, fully faaltoo, lol.
You know how they say an empty mind is a devil’s workshop? i dont know how many of you have experienced the enormity of truth in it, but i have. Its when i have too much time on my hands that i start overthinking the little things and overanalyzing the relationships in my life and basically creating a mess in my head out of an otherwise (more or less) perfect life. As it is, im a hardcore romantic (a la Rahul and bollywood masala and disney cartoons), a sensitive introvert and, obviously, an emotional soul (no, not emotional fool). This means that i feel things on an annoyingly minute detail level, which makes sure theres not much of emotional stability in my life. im always wondering and holding onto the little things, and then making up a scene on the basis of it, that could put our dramas to shame. because like i say, its the little things, its ALWAYS the little things. (in case that ever gets famous, you know where u read it first B-) )
toh aaj ki taqreer ka unwaan hai, gratitude. in our great Indian culture, gratitude and appreciation is one thing that we’re barely taught to express. yeah, its another story altogether when you watch these Bollywood movies and soaps, and thyre giving their lives and children and money away for the badla of that one ehsaan back from the 90’s, but real life is something else.
If we show gratitude, its for our teachers on teachers day or our parents 2 days before we get married or our family after we come back home from college after a year and the bakra on bakr eid. Generally, we dont appreciate and show gratitude.But thats how we are wired, from when we’re little, so its hard to change that. For a lot of us, it has to do with the fact that we’re not comfortable expressing emotions with family. which is ironic, when the brother cant go hug his sister and say “your gift was awesome.i love you” but its fine when he can text “jaanu, koi baat nahi, tum hi toh mera gift ho.i love you”. to be honest, we all want to get some love and hear it now and again, but its just hard to be the first one that starts showing it, and risking awkward situations where nobody knows how to react.
i mean, when somebody gets a gift, we’ve grown up watching people react to that with “arey, iski kya zarurat thi? kyun takleef karey aap?”, when on the inside your jumping with joy and want to rip off the gift wrap. Really?
But i think that if you cant show gratitude or appreciation, show it in your words or actions, or show happiness. More often than not, its just as rewarding for the other end.
If you cant go kiss your mom and say the biryani was great after she spent 2 hours to make it, then tell her that you’ll have another plate. Shes your mom, she knows how much fills your stomach and how fast you finish the meal and push away the plate when you dont like the food. When she sees you taking a second helping and a third, She’ll be happy.
If you cant go hug your dad and thank him for buying you the new pricey laptop, then tell him that all your friends are saying you’re so lucky. He’s a father, he knows how emotions are knit into words, because thats kinda what dads do. Dont say iski kya zarurat thi, he saw the lingering look you gave it when the sales guy explained the features to you, in the electronics dept. When he sees you bragging and showing it to the whole world and saying that its exactly what you wanted, He’ll be happy. (or he might just say, tumku deke galti kar diya main, tumhare ammi ki sunna chahiye tha 😥 )
If you cant tell your sister that the surprise party she threw you made you cry, then hug her and tell her that its the best birthday of your life. She’s your sister, shes seen the silent tears you shed in bed at age 10 when nobody wished you at midnight.She’ll know when she sees you coming back from the bathroom with a slightly redder nose or a tissue in your hand, she’ll be happy.
If you cant tell your wife, that you feel like the luckiest man in the world, everytime she opens the door with a smile and food that you love, then hold her hand and look at her with warmth in your eyes (or the equivalent that doesnt sound as cheesy but shows soooomeee luurvvv). Shes your wife, shes understands the silent look of disapproval you gave her a month after the wedding, when she burnt the meal. Im sure she can read the difference and she’ll be happy.
If you cant tell your best friend, that it meant the world to you, when they got into shit to leave their home and come see you, cuz you were all broken up, then tell them that its about time they showed up. those people know the difference between the sorry look you gave the teacher when you got caught bunking, and the sorry look u had when u were apologizing to your pehla pehla pyar in your school days. they’ll know that u meant u trusted them to show up when you needed them and they’ll be happy.
It doesnt take a lot to show gratitude. But it means a hell lot when you do. When you appreciate and acknowledge the other person in whichever relationship it may be, it goes a long way. It makes the other person feel like the effort and the thought they put into things is actually worth something. Its okay, if you cant always yell i love you, but theres always a way to show it. Send a text message, be old fashioned and leave a note, do something thoughtful in return, say something that tells them you see it and appreciate it, get them a gift (no, not a diamond ring, their favorite ice cream is enough too), or in todays context, put up a status saying “feeling happy” lol. Say Alhumdulillah.
this goes both ways too. dont always look for a note saying, “thank you for everything”. look for the little things, maybe the thank you is hidden somewhere. in bhai’s unusually happy mood, in dad’s coming back from work early to take you out on a weekday, in the BFF’s longer than usual but out of routine video call, in mom’s cleaning up the mess you left without a word, in husband’s smile even when youre late for dinner, look for it. and if you’ve been showing enuf of it, im sure you’ll find some yourself. inshAllah.
and if you cant show gratitude in any way, then just be happy. with them, for them. thats a kind of gratitude too ❤